I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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