yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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