I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
