Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
