I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Randomize
