the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Randomize
