I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
