I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
