ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
