Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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