Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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