i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
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just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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