Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Randomize
