So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
