Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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