Texts From Last Night

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  (312): View more from Illinois

  She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!

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  (312): She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon! http://tfl.nu/58y3
  Replies (9) Good night (3990) Bad night (617) Order T-Shirt
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  (818): View more from California

  i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  Heaven soaked bacon.

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  (818): i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like. (615): Heaven soaked bacon. http://tfl.nu/85uv
  Replies (63) Good night (3994) Bad night (738)
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  (910): View more from North Carolina

  i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"

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  (910): i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day" http://tfl.nu/pe7h
  Replies (33) Good night (896) Bad night (2126)
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  (310): View more from California

  please tell me if i'm home and in my bed

  (1-310): View more from California

  negative

  (310): View more from California

  come find me please

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  (310): please tell me if i'm home and in my bed (1-310): negative (310): come find me please http://tfl.nu/3ca4
  Replies (29) Good night (2087) Bad night (4503)
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  (912): View more from Georgia

  So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.

  (1-912): View more from Georgia

  Who leaves their car unlocked at night?

  (912): View more from Georgia

  Someone who wants to read the newspaper.

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  (912): So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper. (1-912): Who leaves their car unlocked at night? (912): Someone who wants to read the newspaper. http://tfl.nu/c19o
  Replies (23) Good night (6910) Bad night (556)
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  (716): View more from New York

  holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !

  (1-716): View more from New York

  How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'

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  (716): holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today ! (1-716): How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...' http://tfl.nu/v4tn
  Replies (48) Good night (9292) Bad night (799)
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  (+44): View more from England

  You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.

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  (+44): You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway. http://tfl.nu/z6cq
  Replies (34) Good night (5904) Bad night (1269)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter

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  (732): i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter http://tfl.nu/90no
  Replies (15) Good night (5518) Bad night (919) Order T-Shirt
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  (647): View more from Ontario

  I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.

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  (647): I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution. http://tfl.nu/mh7s
  Replies (4) Good night (3596) Bad night (648)
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  (760): View more from California

  coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.

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  (760): coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds. http://tfl.nu/by4p
  Replies (14) Good night (3891) Bad night (1148) Order T-Shirt
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  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  You should probably take note of that and make it happen.

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  (267): In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards. (267): You should probably take note of that and make it happen. http://tfl.nu/k5f3
  Replies (22) Good night (2585) Bad night (548)
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  (714): View more from California

  sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!

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  (714): sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER! http://tfl.nu/av7d
  Replies (9) Good night (1095) Bad night (708) Order T-Shirt
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..

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  (401): He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together.. http://tfl.nu/x2kk
  Replies (3) Good night (1323) Bad night (363)
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  (901): View more from Tennessee

  I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.

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  (901): I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy. http://tfl.nu/blaa
  Replies (2) Good night (570) Bad night (149)
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  (310): View more from California

  Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...

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  (310): Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right... http://tfl.nu/uva3
  Replies (0) Good night (418) Bad night (410) Order T-Shirt

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