did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.