I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.