When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
These 17 Parents Decided to Cut Contact With Their Horrible Kids
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches