Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
