Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
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