The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Someone signed my nipple.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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