"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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