none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
