I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
i came on her dog
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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