a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize