I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
