i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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