You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
