I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Randomize
