What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
