then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
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of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
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Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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