Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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