Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
