You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
