??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize