i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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