in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
