Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
