your room smells of hookers.
And success
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
