Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
