We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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