i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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