Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize