How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
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I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize