I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize