So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
