my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize