so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
