Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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