I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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