I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Everyone says I win the strip club
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
