who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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