so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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