dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
