i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
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