my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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