Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
