You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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