Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
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He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
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I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
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