worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
All I want is dick and wine.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
