so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
