Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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