I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
