True but thats because hes a fetus.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
