Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
