She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
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I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to get me chipped asap
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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