Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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